Church Today

January 13, 2008

So I told you I’d try to get back and tell you why I got all choked up at church again today.  Or at least, I think I did.

I’ve only got a few minutes but it goes something like this.

They discussed baptism.

Those of you that know me may find that you don’t really know me very well at all.  Those of you that really know me know that that is a painful subject for me.

I was in my early 20’s when I was baptized.  It is really a very short time ago but sometimes feels like centuries. 

As I sat in the church, forced to recall the memories, I began to sob.  What have I been doing all of these years?!  Where did my fire go?! 

I’ve been living lukewarm and didn’t even realize it.  My soul started slipping into the deep end — twisting and turning, jerking from side to side as the cold started seeping in.  

Now I am waking into a renewed relationship with him.  One that I have not known before.  One that realizes knowledge, understanding, compassion, wisdom and peace.  He has been waiting for me.  He didn’t give up on me.  He knows my deepest darkest secrets, fears, wants, desires and troubles but He’s still there — for me. 

He knows I am broken but he doesn’t mind.  He wants what I want.  He wants what I mourn for. 

Tears of joy?  Happiness?  Shame?  Fear?  Embarrassment?  Relief?

Yes.

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